Fear Part 1: May I Wee Next To You?
December the 7th 2014 was the day I wrote down my fears, and challenged myself to face them. It's now January 10th 2015, and I feel I've conquered the first most basic fear: Going for a wee in the urinal.
"Only when we are no longer afraid, do we begin to live." - Dorothy Thompson
In that first article on my fears and why I was learning to face them I never explained why I had each fear. For this fear I will explain now. I reckon about 50% of guys get self-conscious or 'fearful' when going for a piss. How do I know this? Well quite often when I'm doing my business guys will go in the cubicle instead of standing at the urinal to have a wee. And I've had many conversations with friends who have similar toliet fears.
Why do guys have this fear? I believe it has something to do with the hype around penis size. Women will always talk about it, pornstars have MASSIVE peices and movies carry the meme further by sitting 4 women around a coffee table giggling about one of their new lovers penis sizes; be it big or small.
We as men adopt this notion that we should be scared of showing our penis size. Especially to our friends as it could be a cause for ridicule, as if manhood is pinned on the size of your dick.
So I knew deep down this was stupid. I had to get rid of this concern. Sometimes I would be ok, other times I would stand there for way too long, then you get even more worried because you're thinking they now know you have stage fright.
After my initial writing of that first article on fear, I started to force myself to stand at the urinal and never use the cubicle unless I needed to drop a deuce of course - I'm not an animal!
I failed once. Pussied out. However I learned from this, and used the pain to make sure I didn't do it again.
Do I still get worried or fearful when I pee? Yes, sometimes. The distinction now though, is that I will use the urinal regardless of my fear (although I am slowly removing it completly). I understand that some fears will never be removed, conquering them will be a matter of learning to act in spite of fear.
Here is what I learned and some tips for your fear-fighting challenges:
- Be mindful - Fear exists in the future. When you become mindful fear drowns (in your wee). Tip: notice what you hear, see and dare I say smell. This will bring your mind back to this moment. This moment has no time or room for fear.
- Tell yourself you can't back down - I told myself that I had to stand there for as long as it takes. As soon as you do this your mind will slowly stop being fearful because it knows that you are not going to back down. You are also telling your brain that their is nothing to be worried about, that you are in control and that it can take a rest.
- Laugh at your fear - I don't think I did this. However it's something I have recently learned. When you get scared laugh at your mind chatter, agree with it. Embellish it even. This will soon stop that mindless chatter, and tell your brain to chill.
I consider this fear challenged. My next is talking to homeless people which I have already started, and finding scary but highly rewarding. You'll have to stay tuned to find out more very soon.
"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." - Rosa Parks
To your fear big or small may it be slayed,